Upon Reflection

Amazed,  grateful and humbled are all words I used to describe my feelings after my November 30, 2010 surgery to remove the remains of my second non-mucinous colonic-type appendiceal adenocarcinoma tumor.  After this debulking surgery, I had no evidence of disease (NED) and a new chance at life.  As I mentioned in my last post, I am grateful for enjoying my first cancer-free year as of November 30, 2011.   So much to be thankful for, right?

But then I was blindsided by overwhelming feelings of sadness, anxiety, pain and loneliness shortly after this first anniversary date.  I cried at the drop of a hat, wasn’t able to get anything ready for Christmas, and barely made it to my daughter’s piano recital for our duet.  To top it off, I couldn’t even go with the family to pick out the Christmas tree.  Instead, I was crying on the couch and feeling overwhelmed. Craziness!

The fact that I had a very brief breast cancer scare on the first anniversary of my life-changing surgery probably started the cascade of emotions that I was going to feel over the next month. Then a couple of appendix cancer folks passed away.  And then, ironically, I learned that the one-year anniversary was probably the main culprit.  I know the anniversary of a loved one’s death can be very difficult.  But the first anniversary of my renewed chance at life? What was there to be sad about?

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